Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
