my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
