Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
