Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
