which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
