I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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