i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she smelled like a LAN party
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
