She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
