My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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