I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
