I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
