I think I can smell my own vagina right now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
