Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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