Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
