The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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