An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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