out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
