proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
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