Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
