mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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