I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
