i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
