this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
