if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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