Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This is my gift to your gina
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
