I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
