OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
