does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
