He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
