dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
