he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
