Your mouth is God's brothel.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
