So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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