I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
