i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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