haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
