She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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