Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
