"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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