I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
operation have a gay friend backfired
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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