you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
