I CAN MOONWALK!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
