I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
