the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
