I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
