I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
