i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
