sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
