yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
