At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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