3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
