Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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