you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
